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The Emotional Impact of Divorce on Children
Help children through the divorce process by understanding the emotinal impact divorce can have on them.
July 31, 2011 /Mens Interest PR News/ -- Divorce can be a traumatic experience, especially on a child. Because a child may not fully understand what divorce is, why it is occurring or how it will affect his or her life, he or she is susceptible to experiencing detrimental emotional effects; however, this doesn't need to be so.
Contributors to a Child's Stress
According to an article written by Dr. Robert Hughes, Jr. of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, several studies show that children whose parents are divorced are, on average, not as well off as children whose parents are not divorced. However, the article notes that these two groups are more similar than they are different.
Citing studies conducted by Amato and Keith, Dr. Hughes states that children with divorced parents are more likely to have issues in school, behavioral problems, negative self-esteem and issues with friends and family.
Rather than focusing on how children with divorced parents are different from children with married parents, Dr. Hughes' emphasis is on why there is a difference and what may cause it. This way, divorcing parents can understand and proactively address situations that may cause their children additional stress.
Based on studies by Amato and Kelly and Emery, Dr. Hughes lists the risk factors that may contribute to a child's divorce-related difficulties as:
- Economic loss -- families that do not experience divorce often have more economic resources than single-parent families. Issues aren't caused solely because a single-parent family has less money; it's that fewer economic resources lead to disruptions (moving to a new home, switching schools, etc.), and it's the disruptions that can cause the issues.
- Parental loss -- losing contact with a parent causes a child to miss out on the skills, knowledge, and financial and emotional support of that parent. However, it isn't the amount of time a non-custodial parent spends with the child after divorce, but rather the quality of the time spent together that matters most. A parent must continue to be a parent, not just spoil a child during time spent together.
- Additional life stress -- post-divorce life for a child often involves many life changes such as moving to a new school or different child care. Relationships with friends and extended family also may change and lead to more stress. Essentially, the more a child's life changes, the more stress the child will have, and more stress often leads to more difficulty for the child.
- Parental adjustment -- the mental well-being of the parents has an effect on the child. The better emotionally adjusted the parents are following divorce, the better off the child will be.
- Parental competence -- the ability and skill of parents to raise a child influences a child's development, and a lack of parenting following a divorce may contribute to the issues that a child faces.
- Parental conflict -- exposure to conflict (whether the family is intact or divorced) affects a child's well-being. The more conflict a child is exposed to, the worse off the child is likely to be.
Effect of Divorce on Children
Depending on the circumstances, divorce impacts every child differently. But, many common emotional effects of divorce on a child, as reported by dealwithdivorce.com, include feelings of:
- Blame by him or herself for the divorce
- Insecurity and anxiety over what the future holds
- Rejection by the parent who left
- Fear that the other parent will also leave
- Loneliness that one of the parents is absent
- Sadness that one parent is gone
- Anger because he or she does not fully understand divorce and its effects
- Powerlessness because the child cannot get his or her parents back together
- Being torn by feelings that he or she is being pressured to pick sides
In a few cases, the effects of divorce can cause a child to suffer long-lasting issues such as depression, anger and anxiety. If you notice that your child is not starting to heal over time, you may want to seek help and support from a licensed professional.
Warning signs of divorce-related anxiety or depression, according to helpguide.org, include:
- Poor concentration
- Problems sleeping
- Substance abuse
- Cutting and other self-injury
- Trouble at school
- Withdrawal from family and friends
How to Lessen the Emotional Impact of Divorce on your Child
There are ways to lessen the impact of a divorce on a child, and many children successfully emerge from divorce with no lasting emotional or behavioral problems. Helpguide.org offers the following tips:
Talk to your child. Take the time to sit down and talk to your child about the divorce. Be honest and answer any questions the child has. While not all of the reasons for the divorce need to be explained to your child (especially in situations of abuse or infidelity), it is important to emphasize that the divorce is not the fault of your child. Also, try to address any changes to his or her life that may be coming such as living arrangements, change of school, etc.
Be civil. Try not to "bad mouth" or blame the other parent in front of the child. Work with your ex-spouse so you do not fight or get in heated arguments while the child is present. Exposing your child to conflict will only add to his or her stress and decrease the child's ability to cope with the divorce.
Love and reassure your child. Make sure your child knows that you and your ex-spouse love him or her and will continue to love him or her, even if one parent lives elsewhere. Although his or her living or school situation may change, a child will be better able to cope with the change if they are reassured that everything will be okay.
Take care of yourself. If you aren't taking care of yourself, it will be much more difficult to help your child adjust to the divorce. Make sure to exercise frequently and eat right. It may help to keep a journal of your experience and feelings or to talk things over with a trusted friend. If you experience more intense feelings, it may be helpful to speak with a trained professional.
Importantly, divorce doesn't have to be a bad experience. In fact, in many circumstances divorce is the best option for both you and your child. Through honesty, support and reassuring love, your child will adapt and thrive in his or her new family situation.
If you are thinking about divorce or have been informed that your spouse is seeking a divorce, a knowledgeable attorney can help you minimize the impact of divorce on your child. Seek the help of an experienced divorce attorney to protect and give voice to you and your children's rights.
Article provided by Mark Lane Law Offices
Visit us at www.marklanefamilylaw.com
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